hmm, its been a while again since the last post. once the mood is up, i can post up to 4-5 entries in one go, only that i made them scheduled. so it seems like i write every single day w/o fail. but when the mood is down the drain, hence no writing at all. i don't know, lately my emotions are running wild, untamed easily. so the best way to keep those emotions calm, is simply by doing nothing at all. nothing as in, just let it go, let it run for a lil bit, then when it calmed down, it will come back to me i guess...
what an intro la?! Ola everyone, assalamualaikum. how's everyone doing? hope that everyone is doing great. we're doing great too. but still missing kamula net, and everyone at home. sigh, i wish i can be at two places at once. i want to be there, but my place is here. my only wish now is to have a superglue or sumthg to stick this two places up so dat i wont feel dat i have to tear myself apart. what am i mumbling about da?
so for the last post, it's just sumthg out my mind boggling. and my messy heart. thanks elly and net for keeping me calm a lil bit. i guess being a mother does dat to me. always in a worry mode, always think im no good to si kecil, always with da IABM going on, always wana be da best but dont kno how to be da best, always feel like a looser when i can't calm si kecil da way hp did, always have a nervous break down when si kecil fall. throw up. cries. put sumthg in his mouth. basically im just worried i can't be a mother dat zairil wishes for. of course for now he couldn't speak his mind yet, so i don't know whether he likes me or not. but when he finally does, i don't know if i could stop my tears from falling when he says dat he hates me =(
but for now, i am working my bass off to cater all his needs, to give him a lot of hugs and kisses, to be his clown, to cook his foods, to wash his cd, to bath and play bubbles with him, to sing him songs, to catch him when he about to fall, to make him laugh, to make him smile, hopefully when he grow up, he will open his arms and give me the biggest hugs of all and beam me those smiles that i carry with to sleep.
datsal i have to say. to uncluttered what bothered me once in a while. ok, more than once in a while. but for now, i think i'm good. i am doing good. alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for everything that You've given me. You are the Greatest ever!!!