~ @ One Month ~

• geleng2 kepala if he doesnt want da thg dat we put inside his mouth. be it pacifier or his milk. ofcoz he doesnt kno yet dat geleng2 kepala meaning xnk, dat is his way to stop us from shoving thgs dat he doesnt want. klu kitorg sumbat jugak, let say milk. at first zairil akan geleng2 kepala, then tolak2 dgn lidah. if we keep on insisting, he will drink it but he wont swallow it. endup, kena tukar baju sbb baju basah dgn susu. he's so funny =)
• likes to practice his facial expression while sleeping. he will smile, kerut dahi, cebik, tetiba menangis yg sgt sedeh without any particular reason or sometimes even laugh. he's so cute =)
• most of the time he loves his bath, sometime he hate it. since he's bigger now, i took da liberty to bath him, yay for me!!! before dis, hp bathe him. now i have da gut to bathe him myself, i feel like a real mother! dat i can do evrythg a mother could do =) i self proclaimed i am a mother now, finally phew =)
  
• i can place him on his tummy by myself now! before dis, takut nak terbalik2 kan zairil, pegang pun mcm pegang kaca, sgt berhati2 smpi tgn pun terbelit2 endup mintak tolong hp pegangkan. now, i can handle him with more position and not so awkward anymore.
• he can lift and support his head for quite a while. when i put him on my chest to burp him, he will lift his head and move it right to left. but there's dis one time, couple of second i divert my attention somewhere else, he suddenly terslam his head on my mouth, youchhh!!! luckily he didnt cry, but it left a red mark on his forehead. IABM syndrome goin on for a while, but hp reassure dat zairil is fine and be careful to never do it again.
• he loves to squirm and wriggle and strech till his face become red. then he will terbarf his milk and i will smell like milk.
• before putting him to sleep, have to make sure his ritual, which is to make sure he's in deep sleep. or else, after we put him down, for a few second he will peep with his eyes, then squirm and wriggle, then a warning cry before mata menjadi bulat and it will another 1-2 hour to put him to sleep again.
  
• he wont cry much while we're in da car. he can sleep for hours without crying, but when we arrive home, where's da magical moment gone? he will 'mata bulat' and da sleep process take longer than ever.
• his cries is different now. and he's a bit patience. before, he will cries at da top of his lungs and susah nk pujuk when he cries at dis point. now, please attend him when he let out da warning cry before da peak cry come along.
• he likes to do kira-kira with his fingers. i guess he has my habit masa mengajar dulu-dulu. yup, i like to count with fingers and i teach budak2 itu to use their fingers before mastering counting evrythg in their head.
• he will hiccups if we didnt burp him properly which will remind me of masa time mengajar dulu boleh pulak terhiccup. thank god it lasted for a minute and budak2 nih xdela pulak nk tergelak. i guess i cover it up pretty well.
  

in his pj, ready to sleep dah ibu!

waiting for his milk, hurry up ibu!!!

sudah berjaya meletak meniarapkan dier. sleep so soundly =)

sudah berjaya memandikan zairil =) syabas ain!!!

happy and all smiley =D

banyakkan taip pasal zairil? i guess it's because i watches evry moves and evry thgs he does. and evry day a lot of thgs dat he does fascinate me. it's always amaze me how babies can do so many wonderful thgs dat can melt our heart. and yes, he's growing up so fast, again so amazing! it felt like yesterday we're in hospital, gazing our eyes for da first time, now he's nearly two month. grow up happily and healthy my hunny bunch! ibu and ayah will always be here next to you, to shower you will all our love =)

~ Afterward ~

• the recovery process took quite a while for me. after da 2nd week, i lost a lot of blood and it scared da heck of me. ive been hospitalized for one night, and nearly have to have blood transfusion (hb is quite low, reading : 7). now, im recovering slowly but im gettin there =)
• after a week stayed @ mak's house, mak, abah, naim & bb p umrah. alhamdulillah, my prayer came true. but da x best part is, i felt so sad, da day we said gudbye sgt sedeh. i cried smpi mata jd pau, silly me i kno. afterward, we went & stayed @ hp parent house.
  
• umm, pantang so-so la. i eat evrythg, including eggs coz da dr. told so to boost da blood count. and bayam n evrythg in between. evn ice-cream =p. and for jamu n stuff not really eating it too. tungku pun not evryday. but da berurut 3 days did dat. aper lg, tu jerla bout pantang.
• i didnt count how many days after delivery. bile org tanya 'dah berapa hari dah?' to which i reply 'umm, x kirala berapa hari. dah nak dkt dua bulan' or 'umm, dah sebulan lebeh dah' which da org2 tua look at me like generasi-muda-mmg-begitu look. i dnt kno, i mean as long as i felt great, zairil is doing great, why should i keep on counting da days to past by?
• i am still afraid to hold zairil, n mak said hp pegang zairil lg cekap. he's so fragile and i'm always afraid i will hurt him. but i'm getting there, and i'm handling him with much confident now.
• sometimes i can calm him, most of the time i can't. dats when hp took over and when zairil a bit calm, hp pass him to me and i lullaby him to sleep
• my tummy, da part dat zairil used to kick still hurt till now. sometimes i thought he's still inside me and happily kicking me tummy.
• a few hours after delivery, i ate half of a banana. endup my left arm felt numb and i hardly can move my fingers. thanks net urut2kn my hand. mak ckp mkn pisang (cant remember which type) nanti urat jadi ape ntah, lupa dah. too late, dah mkn baru ckp dkt mak.
• i felt like throwing up and my tummy felt weird after delivery. then i realize how important bengkung is, coz afterward no more feeling like barfing up.

this is some of the things dat i felt after i gave birth to zairil. with more practice and patience, im more confident and expert in handling zairil. tho sometimes i felt helpless and thanks to hp who have been a great father and wonderful to both of us. till here i guess, will write more next time.

~ My Baby Pichas ~

while sleeping, he gave a sweet smile dat always melt my hart.

suka tgk cara dier tdo.

dlm baby cot

in a teddy bear blanky. super cute =)

baru lepas kena cucuk. my poor baby ='(

dis is some of da pichas dat ive taken while he's asleep. sgt heaven jer rasa tgk baby tdo kan? tp bile dier tdo, nak suruh dier bukak mata n main2. tp biler zairil bangun, takut pulak dier nangis, til ive no idea how to comfort him down. always panic when he started to cry, or buat signal nak nangis. but he's a good baby, im da super ultra panic mother. hopefully in time, il do well and be the best mum for zairil, and the best wife for my hp =)

~ IABM Syndrome ~

• i always feel like a bad mummy whenever zairil cries - dr. fazlina said baby cries is a signal he need somethg. not bcoz he sad. but whenever he cries, i cries too. who's da baby nih?
• one day before his 1st checkup and his shot, his left hand bengkak and ada nanah mcm jerawat tp dkt tgn. im so worried and thought im a bad mummy for not noticing binatang ape yg gigit tgn zairil smpi bengkak and bernanah. i cried and worried da whole night. hp ckp there's nothg to worry bout, and we will asked da dr. da next day. (hp ckp tuh kesan bcg, tp saya ckp, bcg cucuk dkt bumbum, bkn dkt tgn. i was way wrong, duh) tp, im so kapla batu, xnk dgr and sgt risau. rupa2 bcg mmg mcm tuh, dier akn bernanah and bengkak skit. dr. ckp xyah sapu aper2 and let da wound heal itself.
• evrytime zairil breath, mcm ada wheezing sound and bunyi sket. hp ckp jgn risau, bile dgr jer bunyi mcm tuh, try burping him. im like yela tuh, kapla batu xnk dgr. but i did it, and yes da sound will go away. again da dr. said its normal sbb minum susu. xyah ubat batuk or anythg it will stop by itself.
• im a bad mummy coz i cant gave him enough milk. he will suckle for a while, till da foremilk is gone. he's so impatience, and went no milk is coming out, he'll cries till i cries. i pump for da hindermilk, and @ da same time gave him fm. i felt worst, but ever since my hgb is too low, my milk production is not doin good either. hp keep encourage me to pump so dat da milk will increase eventually. so im praying hard dat i can provide enough milk for my baby.

whenever i felt i'm a bad mummy, hp will always comfort me. talk senses into me. im always worried, tgk zairil tgh tdo pun tetiba worries and then cries. im so afraid i messup and kesian zairil for having a bad mummy in his life. thank god hp always around to help and support me and made my worries go away. he always have explaination for evrythg but its me yg xnk dgr kapla batu. i did listen, tp mcm x puas. mcm kena dgr ckp dr. jugak baru nak rasa lega and x risau. so from now on, il listen with my full hart wat ever hp said/explain.

dis is da syndrome im currently having. being a mummy is no easy task but im trying my best to raise zairil the best dat i cud. hopefully il succeed in doin so. wana write more, but later i guess. till here then, assalamualaikum...