~ IABM Syndrome ~

• i always feel like a bad mummy whenever zairil cries - dr. fazlina said baby cries is a signal he need somethg. not bcoz he sad. but whenever he cries, i cries too. who's da baby nih?
• one day before his 1st checkup and his shot, his left hand bengkak and ada nanah mcm jerawat tp dkt tgn. im so worried and thought im a bad mummy for not noticing binatang ape yg gigit tgn zairil smpi bengkak and bernanah. i cried and worried da whole night. hp ckp there's nothg to worry bout, and we will asked da dr. da next day. (hp ckp tuh kesan bcg, tp saya ckp, bcg cucuk dkt bumbum, bkn dkt tgn. i was way wrong, duh) tp, im so kapla batu, xnk dgr and sgt risau. rupa2 bcg mmg mcm tuh, dier akn bernanah and bengkak skit. dr. ckp xyah sapu aper2 and let da wound heal itself.
• evrytime zairil breath, mcm ada wheezing sound and bunyi sket. hp ckp jgn risau, bile dgr jer bunyi mcm tuh, try burping him. im like yela tuh, kapla batu xnk dgr. but i did it, and yes da sound will go away. again da dr. said its normal sbb minum susu. xyah ubat batuk or anythg it will stop by itself.
• im a bad mummy coz i cant gave him enough milk. he will suckle for a while, till da foremilk is gone. he's so impatience, and went no milk is coming out, he'll cries till i cries. i pump for da hindermilk, and @ da same time gave him fm. i felt worst, but ever since my hgb is too low, my milk production is not doin good either. hp keep encourage me to pump so dat da milk will increase eventually. so im praying hard dat i can provide enough milk for my baby.

whenever i felt i'm a bad mummy, hp will always comfort me. talk senses into me. im always worried, tgk zairil tgh tdo pun tetiba worries and then cries. im so afraid i messup and kesian zairil for having a bad mummy in his life. thank god hp always around to help and support me and made my worries go away. he always have explaination for evrythg but its me yg xnk dgr kapla batu. i did listen, tp mcm x puas. mcm kena dgr ckp dr. jugak baru nak rasa lega and x risau. so from now on, il listen with my full hart wat ever hp said/explain.

dis is da syndrome im currently having. being a mummy is no easy task but im trying my best to raise zairil the best dat i cud. hopefully il succeed in doin so. wana write more, but later i guess. till here then, assalamualaikum...