Heart On The Sleeves

this post is going to be back dated a bit, but suppose it is for the purpose of sharing it with my ever dearest friends, if you happen to read this post lah aright... um, for some of you who knew about it already, i've been having such a cold, freezing and numb week last school holiday. nevertheless this would be such an amazing and incredible time i had with my family. despite the coldness and the numb i've been feeling which is till now, again i felt so close with my mum and my siblings. being together in a crowded room can spark a lot of unspoken words that was hidden and kept secretly inside the hearts. funny because i seldom took all the chances i had right in front of my eyes to speak with my sister or my mum. it's not that i don't want to, it's because i just couldn't do it. when i started to open my mouth to simply say i love you mum, or i appreciate everything you did for me ma', suddenly all the words became such a blurry vision inside my mind. i don't know what sort of a game my mind is playing on me, but some how i just couldn't express my feelings that i had for her. i'm very upset about this and i tried many many times to say i'm sorry for all the bad things i did to my mum, or i missed her and i'm glad having her as my mum and the bestest mum any one could have, but again i became mute, unable to speak one word or another... it's a shame really for not having a gut to do such simple thing, for some one that is so dear to me...

but, every night before sleeping, my siblings used to say the passwords... "assalamualaikum mak/abah, selamat malam, minta ampun, minta maaf, " (while shaking and kissing my parent's hands) still i don't think it's good enough just to say i'm sorry at the end of the day. i really wanted to say i'm sorry right after i broke/hurt her feeling. (i some times didn't do it on purpose, i'm only human, tend to do stupid mistakes, so please don't judge me right away ="( ) and i wanted to tell her that at least one time a day that i love her so much, tp itulah... i cannot lah, if i can tell some one that also so dear to me almost about 10 times a day, i could definitely tell my mum one lah can? to be exact, i'm a bit shy putting my heart on my sleeves when it comes to my mum... i guess i was pretending so tough and brutal while at the same time my heart is crying inside... um, i don't know why i'm writing all this, to be exact this post should be about my holiday trip to japan... but now i don't think i could write another word any more, so i really should stop right now... the trip got to be postpone for the next entry then okay? see you on the next post...

Dearest Me,
Ain Alida

Cross Road - Heart or Mind?

Been longing to update the blog, but some how couldn't catch up with the time... it's not that i'm too busy or anything, it's just that for me to write my mind; i need a clear space and handful of time to put my mind into it. but if i wanna write my heart, all i need is some imagination and i could run free all day writing and sharing what is inside the heart. now i'm in a cross road; whether to write my mind or my heart. um, what's the different between heart and mind? dat's a good question. you see, writing the heart is like spilling a glass of water. the water will spill in any direction it wanna goes to. but to write the mind is very complicated, is like weaving a very delicate silk into a beautiful piece of cloth. well, between the heart and the mind, i always prefer the heart and i like listening to my vulnerable, hypersensitive and dippy heart.

i guess writing my heart isn't as bad as i think it would be. other than broken grammar and plenty of jabber and babble, i think it would be a good post for any one to read it write, wouldn't it? so, never expect any educational materials from this blog, because i can assure that none will be written in it (since i'm letting my feelings running wild in this blog, not my thoughts). if you find any grammar mistake, that would be an honest mistake. if you find any spelling mistake, that would be a "care less" mistake =P

all and all, hail to the heart!!! because you are the chosen one over the mind for this blog. from this moment, i hope you will pardon and excuse any mistakes i made while writing my heart out. it's due to unthinkable act of a person who really couldn't care less for a minute to stop and think whether she have wrote good sentences, whether it's a piece of junk or not, or et cetera and et cetera. all she ever cared is to write wat's inside her heart hurriedly and putting the full stop at the end of the final sentence. So this mean, this post is absolutely a piece of crap telling that if you find anything confusing, misleading or baffling, just ignore it okay? this is my way of expressing my expressions by pressing and typing all the explosions and tensions inside my heart. so thank you for your time, and i hope my explanation will reduce any curiosity and complexity that lies beneath your perplexity and anxiety =)

Dearest Me,
Ain Alida

Special Edition Post - One Of It's Kind

Um, if you read the shout out box, recently there's been a request from my dearest friend, querying for her shoe. which shoe she asked? the shoe that i didn't have the heart to leave it behind when we were all about to leave our crib, M1-04-02 is it? so i stuffed the shoe in my tin-sardine packed kelisa and the shoe now is safe and sound under my intensive care. so mimi, i'm really looking forward to unite you back with THE shoe, because i know how longing it wanna be in your possession back. here i took some of the shots and they sure are looking pretty hot, aren't they?

um, i don't know wat else to write. so guess this is it mie! this weekend rite? ok, it's a date then!! can't wait to hear news from you and i wanna spill some of mine too, which i'm sure gonna blow your mind off!!! i don't know how you are going to react, but this little news have to wait till this weekend okay mie? and one more thing, do leave a comment for this artistic work of mine... i think i did a pretty descent job with these shots didn't i? hope you're gonna love it mie!!! by the way, your shoe is in great shape!!! and i'm glad to be able to return it back to you... see you this weekend!!!

Eye On Malaysia - 15 February 2007

For this post, i wanna include some of the pictures taken during my ride of Eye On Malaysia... Well, as you can see it, the quality for the pictures are quite poor and to be honest, i didn't enjoy too much of the ride actually. no need to ask, you do the sum owite? by the look of this gigantic+magnificent+state of the art for this century+this thingy is huge!!! = um, i'm scared of its height... =( when we are at the very top, i couldn't let go of my hands from the chair like i'm clinging for my dear life!!! =(

But it was fun!!! and worth the time and the money. i didn't take much of the scenery because it was too dark and couldn't see a thing from up there. the KLCC doesn't look too stunning for it's picture to be taken and everything else looks too blurry. this picture taken while i was watching for the other carriage went up or down.

this picture suppose to show the KLCC in it. but, who am i kidding? even i myself couldn't see it. well, you have to use your imagination to make the KLCC appear in this pictures... so, this is all i have to say in this post. for the conclusion, just have fun in the carriage and stop being such a wuss. just let your gut down and enjoy the breath taking view. and wear something warm, because it's kinda chilly in there. follow all the precautions and don't do something stupid, then you will be safe and sound till you reach the land. have a great CNY holiday next week!!!

Furbishing For The New Look

Have you notice the different look? so tell me what do you think? i want some honest opinion, but i couldn't bear to hear it. since i don't have photoshop installed in this pc, i used publisher to design the layout. nothing too fancy, took me about five minutes to do it. copy this a bit, edit some there... so this is what you get. but i'm still lost playing with the color, which remind me of the day i'm presenting my final year project. that is one of the gruesome day i've ever had. to be honest, i never thought the color and the font would cause such mayhem in the room. the panels were shouting, screaming at the top of their lungs!!! chairs were thrown across the room, pile of papers scattered on the floor and pens were flying aimlessly. really? is that what had really happened? no silly, it is just me, running wild with my imagination. but, it's one hell of experience facing those panels. they are all agreeing that my colors is way out of discussion, too many font style is used, too many information is displayed in one page, and the list is going on and on... luckily, thanks to the head panel, he saw nothing wrong with the color scheme, and i think he kinda like it. in the end, i pass with many many flying colors all over the room =)

this is the healysth layout, so as you can interperete it yourself. the colors, the layout... to me, i did it my best. i given it 200% and i'm really proud of myself because i finished it on time. thanks to my organized last minute skill (this is something i shouldn't be proud off =p), plenty of blessing from Allah, many2 prayers from my mum, the wonderful friends (ilah, dibah, wani, mimi... and all my unsung friends) i had and some unseen help from the universe, i did it. i finally finished it, and no more worries eventually. in healysth, you can see unpaid actresses who are (not too willing actually =p kena paksa sebenarnya) giving their best to help me out. thank you so much, i really owe you guys too much...

i really have great time finishing my project. to do all those unthinkable, having close relationship with my friends, going through many2 sleepless night, it was worth it. to begin with, it is my fault because i actually did the project for only two weeks. i couldn't help myself, i have other 3 subjects to focus on, and i only waited until my last paper to finish, then i push on the start button for this project. well, say what ever you wana say, to me this little baby is the most dearest thing i've ever done in my whole life. beside the poor color scheme (which is not to me), i gave myself two thumbs up and many many pat on my back.

perhaps i probably have a bad taste for the color, but i want to make a brighter and colorful world to live in... talking about my dream world, where everything is filled with such beautiful colors, so bright and glows, the flowers are booming and beaming at you with their sweetest scents... it is such a beautiful world isn't it? yeah rite, keep on dreaming girl! it ain't gonna happen in this world!!! where people throw rubbish whenever they like, polluting the air, intoxicating the waters... but, there is no harm in dreaming aren't i right? so i will keep on dreaming till this very dream come true...

Dearest Me,
Ain Alida

Exhibit B

This is another project that i've helped my mum with. took me couple of hours to do it. at first, i did it cincai jer. i asked my mum all the requirements as we sat together, then type here and there... walla, there you go, this thing can be used to do the head count. have you ever heard of it before? neither do i. basically this is a program that can assist the teacher to predict and target how many student to get A's, thus it can improve the school's grade. i thought i did a good job, fulfilling all my ma's requirements and every details my mum instruct me to do. then, i did some testing to make sure the calculation is right, asked my mum is there any more info to add and later on i switch off the pc. But surprisingly, what i did is not good enough or to be exact, tak lawa because of cincai boncai. this is the expression of one of the teacher after she have a look into this program. i mean, to me as long as the calculation is correct and all the sum is nicely done, that is a good job. but to some people, we have to touch up here and there, put some make up on, then the program is tremendously excellent. what ever, so tonight i did some make over... and the result is as you can see from exhibit B, or you can name it as you wish...

This is the grand exhibit B, where the touching up is made. Not forgetting, i hid the calculation and locked it so that no one can do any altering and no changes can be made if it isn't authorize by my ma. um, the one of many thing that i love about my mum, she is very practical and she doesn't really care about this crappy shite. as long as this thing work and can produce the exact figure, then she's happy with it. but it is a bonus mark if it look damn gorgeous right? and it is priceless to shove it to some of the peaky mouth-loaded people right? muahaha, so priceless it is to shut people making such a fuss from really nothing. what can i say, some people really give headache to some other people. they probably enjoy it very much and make it as one of their hobbies. well, you can do what ever you wish to do, but as long as you stay freaking away from my ma, then i'll leave you alone in peace. but, if you dare to step up closer then i would dare giving eye-shadow enough to touch up your shitty face =) well, i don't mean to be rude, sometime this is the way to deal with this kind of people. say our stand, make sure they know our stand and we'll be fine i guess... anyway, i do hope that this new and improve (yeah rite - actually the calculation and the sum is just the same) program will be a problem solving and help the teacher to help the student. May force be with you teachers!!!

Dearest Me,
Ain Alida

Precious Gift

This is what i've been doing lately... helping my mother with her school work. i like doing it not because of the 'missing money' but, i felt some sort of a close bonding with my ma. i suddenly feel i've missed so many things to help her with. i left home to be at MRSM K.P for two years, KMNS for one year, later Uniten for five years. i guess this is the payback time after all my ma have to put through for me. It is not that hard after all, asking her after she came back from work, "mak, ada pape tak nak tolong hari nih?" then she told me about what happened at school. sometime i gave her my mind, some other time i just nodded and try to understand how on earth a teacher could act like that. to think that teaching is such a noble work, yet surprisingly the teachers weren't that noble after all. but in the end, it's not the title entitle you to behave that way, it's all come to the heart. if you are a skunk, forever will you be a skunk. no litre of perfume can get off those skunky smell. but if you are a honey bee, no amount of honey can add up to be as sweet and wonderful as you.

This saturday will be quite a busy day for my mum. My ma has rentas desa or cross country in the morning. later on, a high-tea to celebrate the departures off some of the teachers - retirement and exchange school. I know telling this stuff about my mum seems to be weird, i mean shouldn't i be writing about my life instead of my mum's? but this is what happen when you are so close with some one. well, i wanna write about my hp, but i already did that by recently telling it to elly and anciently to most of my close friends. beside, i find it rather privacy to talk about my love life in here. so i guess it's back to writing about a bit of my life, my family and my friends. maybe some days later i will write about my children. that would be a nice post, since talking and yapping about how darnedest kids could be can be very exciting, don't you think so?

For the time being, i enjoy having such a close bond with my mum, and of course my other apples of my eyes; my dad, abang, kak lin a.k.a net, adik, baby a.k.a mila and naim a.k.a bb-budak busuk. Having a family is truly a precious gift; no matter how much you argue, disagree, still they are the one who are always around when you need them the most right? this is also applicable with true friends. they are always around through thick or thin, am i right? beside, being mad at someone, selalu marah-marah means we care for them. so, it is okay to be mad at me once in a while, just to let me know that you do care for me, don't you? I conclude my post today with the statement of "family and true friends are precious gift no money can buy" So be my precious gift, a very precious gift send to me from Allah, alhamdulillah...

Dearest Me,
Ain Alida

A Puzzling Mind

For this post, i just want to tell probably the stupidest thing i've ever done recently... first, it sounded kinda funny, but right now it's ripping my heart, bringing heart ache and bothering me ever since...

To begin with, let me tell how much i would like to buy a birthday present for my dad, it's on last December. i've been saving up some money from my pay check-didn't have lunch or breakfast, eat my hart out while watching my colleagues shopping during friday break, etc. so before december i managed to save more or less RM 2,100. The present that i want to buy for both of my parent is cell phone, Nokia N70 for my dad and Sony Ericsson Z610 for my mum.

After doing some online survey, i found out that it's still not enough since i want to buy my own phone too-K800. Something came up, my brother told me that we could get less price by buying through this someone from the internet. So i say, what da heck, lets try it. after a few contact, chatting through the ym... i thought we got a deal. well, let's just cut everythg short since it is kinda pain the arse writing it in details. i got ripped off, lost about RM6,000 ++. sound bull shit rite? but this damned shittin someone said that "no, u're not ripped off but u've to send me some more money" due to this shitting reason this and that... he kept on giving bull reasons, in da end i just say quietly to myself "Ain, please stop doing anymore charity ok. just consider it burnt and let gone be bygone"

yeah, yeah... it is stupid letting go RM6,000 burnt just like that when rite now im not working and been starving myself for the last 4 months.... in da end, this shit happen and i didn't get anything... if i kept on thinking about it, it really is driving me mad. but after some slow talk with me own self, i should just let it go... i try not to blame it on all the african and nigerian... but sometime i just felt sickin tired just passing through a nigger. damn those stupid liars, i prayed hard that they'll get pay for what they've done and rotten thousand death in hell

believe me, i really never thought anyone could fool me, such a naive thinking. of course through internet, you can easily lie to almost everyone!!! what was i thinking? believing 100% to this someone i haven't even met and hardly know about this so call hyperclass_cellphone company... that's why i keep on paying to them. they kept on giving too many reasons for me to keep on paying them such as demorage fees, custom fees... well, before i made the first payment, i asked them in detail whether or not we have to pay the custom? is this the exact sealed payment we have to make? then, they said "yes, this is all you have to pay". after the first payment, they pretend to say "oh, we're sorry. we don't know that you have to pay for the custom, or else they will seize the goods". after arguing, they settle for 70-30 payment. 70% i've to pay, the rest they will cover for me... so, this is some of the reasons they're playing to keep asking for more money....

so guys, be careful talking to strangers. you can believe almost no one through this internet. even after they keep on telling how honest they are and how much they wanted to help you. this is a hard lesson i've gone through. i just hope no one else has to go through it again. for these culprits, stop this scam to others. i've been praying for them to get what they deserve. what goes around comes around right?

for now, im really worried that my mum is going to find out about my "missing" money. ive withdrawn exactly RM3,000 from the tabung haji account. i hope i could top it up before it's too late. but right now, i dont think that will work since this march we're going to japan. ive to withdraw for some more money from tabung haji. last week my mum have a look at all the account books. but some how i manage to hide mine. next time, i dont know what rubbish i wana tell my ma. should i confess and tell the truth? or should i just hide it till i can top it up some how? this really is a puzzling mind... ="(

Dearest Me,
Ain Alida

Entry For 17 January 2007 - First Come Back

To begin with... assalamualaikum =)

Took me a while to set up this blog, whew... finally after thinking of a good blog address (url) here is the best i could come up with... hopefully this blog is worth your time reading it...

For this come back entry, i don't know where to begin with... actually, i've deleted all my blogs for no reasons at all... to think that i won't be writing any more blogs? umm, can't hold that thoughts for too long i suppose... so here i am, writing for my bloggie, my journey, my life...

Let us just break a few inches of the ice for this time being, shall we? =)
so with that... umm, actually breaking the ice isn't as easy as i thought it would be.. guess, this isn't one of my department =( ...

Owh, one of my other reason for this come back is because of my mizmie, wishes to read all my silly billy wilily post... so i am being such a genie, shall grant my fwen wishes... so here goes my post mimi, i sure hope you'll enjoy what ever stuff i'll be posting ere owite?

I think this is all there to write in here for now... owh, i got another blog in Yahoo 360... kinda funny, whether or not i will proceed writing this blogs... but stay with me, maybe i will write about our journey some day okay? =)

Dearest Me,
Ain Alida