Perkhabaran Gumbira

Terima kasih ya Allah, Tuhan Yg Maha Pengasih lg Penyayang kerana menyembuhkan saket pinggang ku ini, sesungguhnya tiada perkhabaran yg lebih menggembirakan melainkn kesihatan yg di tahap optimum. syukran syukran!!! terima kaseh mak yg sabar dgn kerenah&rengekan anakanda ini, terima kaseh mak bersusah payah buatkn tungku demi kesihatan anakmu ini, terima kaseh my h2b yg memahami dan mengerti dan melovingly me like ever!!! terima kaseh kpd semua yg membaca keluh kesah pesakit pinggang ini, disebabkan bacaan anda sedikit sebanyak memulihkan saket ku ini.... kepada semua, terima kasih yang tidak terhingga daripada seorg pesaket pinggang yang sudah pun kembali pulih. akhir sekali teruskan berusaha!!!

Sumthin Stupid or is it Confiusion?

when i tend to do sumthing stupid/silly with my siblings, for example baru td aku wat lawak x senonoh: cube tgk hingus/booger ini! - sambil memegang balm yg kalernye sgt oren dan membuatkn mereka membuat muka mcm geli!! ahaha, sgt priceless ble tgk muka diorg mcm tu. then abang pun mula la membukak statements yg berunsur ugutan: nanti abang rakam kang lps tu tunjuk pd hp. bia dia tau perangai popop yg sebenanya. dan sgt disokong oleh adik sambil merecall kn balik lawak2 ku yg x senonoh. nganga =P tp kn, sgt menyampah betul bile statement ini keluar dari abang ku itu. its like instantly il behave like a well-manered young lady again in a matter of sec. punyala power statement itu smpi kekadang malas nk wat lawak dgn diorg nih. but i kno they mean no harm, just their way to psycho me back.

i guess being with my sibling is different than being with h2b. i wana act normal, and i always act normal with him, cuma agak cover sket. ckp pun agak bertapis, n gaya pun kena sopan sket. bukannya dkt rumah sgt tidak sopan, tp i kinda let loose dkt rumah. not wild, just loosen up a bit, tp not too loose sbb nanti kena marah dgn mak pulak. i guess wat im trying to say dat probably im a different person when at home or bein with him or bein with you guys. i kno i shud have let him see me the real me, sbb once we're together he's gona see the ME anyway. but with him pun im still me, cuma da side yg sgt attention-seeker and babyish n mengada yg akan keluar. when im in crisis-mode with him then the evil me yg akan keluar n im pretty sure dat he had seen dis lil evil for quite sumtimes by now, muahahaha!!!!

so the big question, am i being pretentious when im around him? do i have split personalities? which character am i exactly? all that i kno is, i use to change according to whom im with or the situation is. like with my friends, il be in dis character, when with mak bertuka pulak, dgn klin lain, dgn bb pun lain. so is dis normal? ke aku je yg abnormal? are you guys like dis too? plz tell me korang pun sama bcoz i felt im goin banana bcoz of this constant changing personality. or is it constant changing emotion? is personality differ from emotion? aiya, sgt confius. tp guys plz, im totally honest when im wt u. who ever i am at dat point is who i wana be at dat moment. tgh psycho ke, tgh weng ke, tgh nk ngamuk ke, tgh mengada x hengat ke, it is still me, da me yg happen to be at dat point. okayla, stop cni dulu. karang tulis byk2 pun lg pening pala. hv a happy day yea, always praying for the best for all my special people... till later... =)

Sumthin Sumthin

Last friday again ada interview utk gstt. tp yg bestnye gstt kali ni utk daerah gombak, instead of yg SABK ari tu sbb xtau kat mana die akn anta klu dapat. again, dis time around also i didnt put any hope utk berjaya dapat. sbb utama pegi pun just to plz my parent. at least they can see dat i try to seek for job.

anyway, aku ke PPD after i drop mum to skool. sbb smlmnya pun dah survey kt mana tmpt tu, skjp jela aku smpi. tp lps smpi aku x terus masuk, sbb clear folder aku sgt bersepah n aku pki tudung pun senget benget n i need to do sum touch on my face. klu x, nmpk sgt muke sememeh mcm xnk kena intervw. nk dkt kol 8, barula aku masuk. bile je masuk, makcik2 n pakcik2 ni sgt ramahla pulak. siap bitau kena amik nombor, isi borang bla bla bla. aku mmg pagi2 je moody habis. malas nk layan org klu boleh. n aku senyum n ckp pun mmg stock x ikhlas langsung. tp they still treat me good and with gratitude i thank you.

lps da amik borang aku pun cari2 mana nk duduk smbil isi-isi borang itu. sbbkn mmg dah rmi org yg sampai, ofcoz good seats has been taken. thus kenala duduk dgn dis girl yg sgt concentrate n focus reading her notes. so aku just excuse myslf to the seat n isila borang itu. then here's the good part, sedang aku asyik menulis came this one familiar girl. n yup, she's a friend from zaman matrix dulu. how awkward moment it was sbb aku x ingt nama die. die pun mcm ingt2 lupa but she still remember my name n there stupid me ckp mmg confident habis yg aku mmg ingt sgtla die nih. walhal dlm pala, asyik dok recall, is she from my high skool, boardin skool or matrix? uniten mmg xla kn sbb the memory still fresh to me. aku pun mula borak dgn gesture yg mmg mcm bff tp still tgh pk n puzzled. mmg sgt berlakon time tu. tp my attitude and conversation toward her mmg bukan dibuat2. i love all my friends, and to be with them is a blessing. cume sumtime memory lost is unevitable kn? aku pun dah tua, sgt tidak boleh keep the long term memories forever.

the next step yg aku wat, since aku x sure and to avoid from embarrassing myslf, aku pun dgn segannya minta nk tgkkn folder yg ada photocopied all our certs. barula aku tau and beranila nk borak2 atau tanya2 pasal budak2 lain yg aku ingt. dan kitorg pun borakla like we used to. baru aku ingt yg aku suka melepak kt bilik diorg nih sbb arfah suka watkn teh blueberry ble aku menyebok kt bilik diorg. and her mamma carey biscuits mmg sgt sedap, itu yg aku suka sgt datang bilik diorg nih.

sangat sorry yea ana, sbb aku bukannya lupa tp wat to do, memory lost+dah tua. nk wat cemana kn. tp it was worth 1 hour spent kt tmpt itu. talking to her bring back yesteryears memories yg dah agak kabur dalam pala nih. it always a joy when we can meet those from the past. aren't we lucky to have friends? and indeed friends are the footprints that we leave behind and carry forward. bkn nk ckp yg kwn2 nih tapak kaki, tp you'll get wat i mean rite?

basically, i think i flunk again sbb ada satu soklan yg x dpt jawab n dis one interviewer sgt keen to ask bout me teaching math. walhal, ajar math skali jer, sejarah 2 kali, so you do da mathla. she still keep on and on asking bout my math experience n since nowadays math is teached in english so i end up speaking with her in english. tp with this other guy kena ckp melayu sbb die tanya dlm bm. sgtla pening pala aku nk jwb kt dua2 org nih sbb at a time both ask me different questions/comments at the same time. aku just play along and kena control my blood pressure so dat i can keep maintaining my blood from going upstairs.

this weekend is a very painful days for me due to my lowerback pain aka saket pinggang. sakitnya ya rabbi, hanya org yg penah saket jer yg tau. yang x penah tau, sila diam when i tend to be over exaggerate here and there. dis is the first strike since last year. and to think of it, it happen da same time around last year. adakah penyakit ini berkala? umm, sgt naughty pinggang ku ini. saja nk make me bermanja2 dgn makla ni ek? nganga, yup, when my back hurts, dis is the time i can be excuse from doin chores. but i did it anyway, in a very s-l-o-w m-o-t-i-on like sloth gitu. klu nk swept da kitchen area slalunya dlm 3 menet dh siap, it took me tripple time to do so. sgt menyampah pulak tgk me bein like dis. i dislike overly attention and kasih sayang, yet i sumtime seek for it without me actually realise it. so is dis pain only come when i want those attention, or am i an attention seeker?

dah 2 malam mak buatkn tungku utk aku. mak panaskan tungku dan balut dgn daun jarak. mak kata daun ni baik utk bengkak. and it work like wonder. terima kasih mak, sayang mak. um, my pain is decreasing n im no longer bergerak mcm siput. altho my movement still mcm org yg dlm pantang, i hope by next week im all better sbb ive missed one date already. i wana meet my h2b. n it really break my heart when ive to tell him dat we shud cancel our date. n die sgt comel sbb die mmg comel. i mean, he understd n pray dat il get better n say all da nice thg to say to a baby like i am. mmg sgt mengada betul, n at a time i wonder how can he stand me? how can he still be wt me yg sgt mengada n sgt mencari perhatian nih? im blessed for having sum1 who cn accept me as i am, no matter how cranky or moody i am, yup he's rite there. i can't thank him enough for being sweet like sugar as always.

look at the time, its been so late already. and look at this post, so long already. i shud say i must stop dis instance. better luck for the nxt entry aite? take care and be happy.

To Be Truth

mmg dah lama tgn nih nk menaip sesuatu yg baru di sini, tp pala ckp: nantila, len kali la, malasla. so in the end, tara papa mau taruk di sini. tp kali ni my hart felt that's been a little too long didn't write, so y not, lets write shall we?

umm, overall dis couple of weeks mcm berat sket rasanya. bukan pasai apa, asik2 kena wat brochure, balik2 brochure. naik fedup aku menengoknya. mcmla mende lain x penting utk dibuat, org bknnya nk nilai brochure sahajala, duh!!! so far, aku dah tolong watkn 10 keping brochure, itu x campur yg edit2 lg tuh. i mean, dis thgy is just sumthg to display a lil bit tiny winy yet powerful n informative n compact info bout ur org,ur biz. sp pahal la nak taruk byk2, pasal la nk wat byk2. x releven langsung!!!

dan paling aku bengang skali, evrytime they look at my work akn muncul soklan, dulu amik course ape? IT jawabku. jawab mereka pula: padanla.apa yg padannya makcik2 woit! dulu kt unibersiti dulu mana ada blaja mende ni sume. kena blaja sendiri tahu? apa? x tahu jugak? meh sini, lemme kick ur lazy asses makcik2 yg mmg kekadang tahap cipan nye yg lebeh itu...

dan ada a few incident yg well, to be frank, i love if people give me works. byk2 pun xpe, sbb aku mmg suka sgtla tolong makcik2 hampagas ini. tp evertime diorg lambakkan kerja mereka itu (yg patut dah buat lama dah tp asyik menangguh je kejenya) diorg tend to have dis membengangkn n so irritating habit to say, leganya settle keje aku on my face!!! i mean, tolongla wahai puan-puan yg budiman, ur work may be settle (sbb korang dah lmbk kt aku tdkn?) tp my living hell is just started makciks. so jgnla nk buat hatiku panas membakar tulang sum-sum ku itu. plzhv the tendency to at least care 4 my fragile eyes (yg pasti akn memburn my midnite oils smpi lebam mataku ini) ni tidak, asyik menjaga perut diorg sajala.

another favorite word of the day setelah lambakkan keje diberikan padaku adalah: xpe, dia (aku la tuh) bukan ada apa nk buat kt umah pun. i mean, hello!!! aku pun p skolah jugak, work da hours like u did n ingt lps balik dari menjerit memekak satu ptg x penat ke. aku ngaja ank org, bkn ngaja bkn ank org. klu ckp sepuluh kali mana nk paham. kena ckp doploh kali itu pun belum tentu masuk pala diorg lg. n ble blk umah, ingt aku terus cium... terus cium katil, terus cium bantal ke. aku kena cium dapur dulu. nk tolong mak masak diner.nk ajar adik aku wat keje skolah lg, nk baca blog org lg, nk gosok baju lg. pg esok lak, sblm p skolah kena sidai kain dulu, lipat kain dulu, masak lunch dulu. so bile masanya aku ada masa utk tidak membuat apa2 dkt rumah? jadi tolongla ble berckp pandang2, ble membebel tolong diam.

gosh dis is a suck entry. tp dis is wat i felt like talking to sum1. i mean, i cnt shove dis all to those makciks, sbb x smpi hati aku nk melukakn perasaan org yg lebeh tua dariku. tp tolongla menyayangi hati dan perasaan org yg lebeh muda dari mu. i love to help you guys, but please help me first by considering ur words instead of blurting them all out. kang x pasal muka mu dihinggapi pelempang yg ayu dari ku. enough said, dis is my othr side of me. yg sgt kejam, ganas menaip. yg ckp dah xde pki penapis. dis is wat happen when u let loose a sleeping lion within. she just stock whoevr prey infront of her, in dis case u bloggie n for sure those whose been silently reading this death trap... im not sorry n never will be sorry for all this nonsense, to be truth...